Dating a bipolar girl
The experience is terrifying and wonderful, and I mostly want it to stop.
What happens, then, is that my aesthetic experience simply drops any need it might have for objects or perhaps any particular object.
I’m going to put forward a hypothesis here that may ultimately be untestable, because it depends so much on shared experience. The hypothesis is the following: mania and extreme hypomania give us direct access to the “data” out of which many spiritual experiences, including those of non-bipolar people or non-episodic bipolar people, are composed. Even when I’m not episodic, when I enjoy a work of art, experience a beautiful work of nature, or am inspired by a prayer, there is something about those experiences that allows me to call them “spiritual.” It is what allows me to point at these disparate events and say, “There is something about the universe, or perhaps something about the way that I experience the universe, that inspires awe.” Spiritual experience is impossible really to express except in works of art that replicate the experience.
Everything becomes a pattern and everything starts to make sense, though I couldn’t possibly express what sense it makes.It isn’t a little bit of an episode left over, like residue.Rather, ecstatic bipolar episodes and everyday spiritual and aesthetic experience are made of the same stuff.When I’m manic, though, or when extremely hypomanic, my experience of the beautiful gets ripped from its objects entirely.Instead, it becomes a kind of pure experience that starts to find its way into anything I encounter.
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Events become serendipitous, words and concepts flow together and apart in so many different ways, that my purely linear speech can’t keep track of them and my limited memory forgets.